He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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