Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
