why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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