We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
