His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
