um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
