hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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