wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
