hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
