I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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