Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Randomize
