at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
