After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
