Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
