Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
