It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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