to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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