this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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