I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
