If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
