it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
