pedialite and red bull = repair kit
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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