Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
