I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
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