What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
