what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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