well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
