Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
