I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
