You just made me feel so damn special
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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