When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
