hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
