Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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