The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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