my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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