First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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