So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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