I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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