I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
