Christians are straight up FREAKS
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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