Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
My ATM looks so different sober.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
