Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
