Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
