I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
