Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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