we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
