Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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