dude i'm inner monologue high
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
