Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
