i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I can't trust your balls anymore.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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