Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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